Selfish mom’s letter to her precious little one.

Posted: June 7, 2014 in Essay, Happiness, Journal, Love, Note to self, Parenting, Random Thoughts, Reflection, Relationship, Writing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“I hope someday she meets just the right man and has babies – a whole passel of babies, more than I could have – so she understands how it kills me now that she won’t let me hug her when she’s in obvious distress. (The Life You’ve Imagined)”

Juana,

I know it’s hard for you to understand now how I treat you as a daughter. You know, when it comes to you, I am such a frustrated mother.

You are so wise and patient. You always try to see the good side of things. And with that, I am happy.

You love me and that kind of love is something I know for myself I don’t deserve. There are times I get mad at you and I nag at you. You have no idea why.

My precious, I love you with all that I am.
Please forgive me if I get mad and you think I want you to be perfect.

I only want you to be so powerful, no guy can ever break you.

I want you to respect yourself and trust that people, regardless of who they are, can break you.. And I don’t want that to happen. God knows I’ll kill for you.

I thank the Lord above for bringing you to me. You were born with 60 chances of dying and 40 to live.

But you lived.

You are a survivor.

As your mother, I don’t want you to just survive.
I need you to conquer.
Don’t let people decide for you. Don’t let them hurt you. Like they did to me.
I don’t want you to suffer the same pain I suffered.
I don’t want you to feel rejected and hated.

You are a grown up with a big heart.
You love making friends and people loves you, that I can see.

I will not be surprised one day, you will ask permission to go out with friends.
Please choose wisely, the people you want to be part of your wonderful world.

I want you to live in a world where you are free. Make your dreams come true for mine’s shattered.

No one in this world can ever know how much love I have for you.
Please forgive me for all my shortcomings.
Forgive me for my irresponsibilities.

Forgive me, my precious.

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