Posts Tagged ‘agony’

Woman and her child gets attacked for walking thru a black Neighbor hood.. Please watch the video for awareness.

“Woman and her child gets attacked for walking thru a black Neighbor hood… This is some sad shit to see and we wonder why we dnt get respected because of stupid ignorant shit like this. I hope they put her ass under the jail….. And the one’s standing by and laughing just as ignorant #Sad #TheWorldWeLiveIn” Caption of Ivan Jackson‘s Facebook post.

We were at the office when one of my colleague sent me this link. This is unbelievable. Why would we want to fight with one another because of our indifference? Why would someone hate the other because they are not of the same color? Why pretty hurts? Why discrimination seems like a holy grail? What are they up against?

I hope you can share this. Stop discrimination. Stop ignorance. Stop bullying.

There really comes a point in our lives when we feel unpretty. This song by TLC reminded me of those days I was gaga over love. I felt nothing but sadness and emptiness. I was happy, yes. That was no doubt. But what’s underneath when you love someone and you know that you can only love him, not have him? You tell me. My bestie happened to share this message to me. She saw this Facebook post from one of her friends and posted this to my wall. I was teary-eyed after reading this simple, yet relatable message.

Letting go is like pulling a tooth. Once it’s gone, you’re somewhat relieved. But how many times does your tongue roll over that same spot? A few hundred times a day maybe, because there’s something missing but that is also a reminder that it may be gone, at least you don’t have to feel the pain it gives when it was there.

The lyrics of this song’s cool. I can pretty much relate:

My outsides look cool My insides are blue Every time I think I’m through It’s because of you I’ve tried different ways But it’s all the same At the end of the day I have myself to blame I’m just trippin’

Before I even start, the title is not original but it tells everything about this blog. There’s this one girl, a very sound girl. Or not. She fell in love with a man ten years elder than her. It was actually an epic love tale. It all started as what they call a whirlwind love affair. The first time they met is not special because they encountered through a friend. Perhaps the timing was wrong. Or they were simply not meant to be.

So i’ll start.

June, 2012

It embarked on with a pen and a tissue. The man was really aggressive but don’t get me amiss. He was a genuinely funny guy. Whenever he talks, I laugh. It was like the first in forever that I ever laughed even in a very feeble joke. He’s not even straining to be funny. I have never thought that day, my life would alter forever. I will not try to explain what happened. But if I can delineate it, clearly, he was the prince who swept me off my feet. It was absolutely magical.

But just like every love story, it came through ups and down until one day, the fairy tale is over. Considerably, it wasn’t even very real to begin with.

Just like that…

While everyone is asleep and some rejoicing

Some of my countrymen from the South of the Philippine Islands

Are battling to survive,

Fighting for their lives.

This is a song for you.

“But when the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave.” — Milan Kundera

Say Something I’m giving up on you.
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…

What a sad song.

I find peace when I don’t know what is..

I find hope when I can’t see light.

I find solitude when I am down.

IMG_5683.JPG

I told him.. Why do you have to be so beautiful?

He answered me, No, You are beautiful.

IMG_5490.JPG

It makes my heart skip a beat

It makes me weak

But

Why do I always fall for the wrong man?

I have never known that it’s possible to shut people out of our lives in a heartbeat..

..until it happened to me.

20140610-032834-12514773.jpg

Ever had that feeling when you thought things are irreversible? And you get depressed and lonely.

Ever wonder why it didn’t work? You get broken and sad.
Ever made a fool of yourself and it’s irrevocable?

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel

Try this on, straightjacket feeling
So maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don’t make sense
Beg me time and time again
To take you back now, but you can’t win
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again

But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
And just the thought of you I fear
It falls away

My own version of Daniel Handler’s Why we broke up.

If you have read his book “Why we broke up” you’d have an idea.
I am writing this one with a hope, but not limited to an intention, that he’ll read and understand.

1
Remember when I just followed what you always say what’s best for us?
You didn’t hear me disagree or never did I argue with you. For once I believed it’s what’s best for us.

Then we had a fight.
You left me. You dropped me like I’m a hot piece of shit..
You were always so insecure. You were so selfish, with big ego in your head.

If I get mad, you get madder.
That’s why we broke up.

2
Remember when we had an out of town, you were with your wife. Before we met her we went out and made love like it’s the first time in forever? We’re with her, that’s usually so awkward, but for the love of us, I endured?

You had me saw how sweet you were or how you were taking care of her, out of guilt or of love, what had you, but you had me saw it and it made my heart broke.

I was not myself. I cried.
You were so insensitive and that is why we broke up.

3
Remember when she kept checking on my twitter, instagram and tumblr account? You had a break and you were gone for weeks. We gradually see and talk and the next thing I know, you unfriended me on facebook? You were just with me, we even had breakfast in our happy place. You were on my front door. You were so sweet. And the next thing I know, you were gone. And I never knew why.

You were arrogant in your silence and that broke my heart.
That’s why we broke up.

4
Remember when I said one morning that I realized I can’t go on with this?
You said nothing.

I have given up on you and that’s why we broke up.

For some reason, love has become overrated but I just can’t let you go.

5

For the nth time, I said I can’t take anymore of your irresponsiveness and arrogance and your insensitivity. And i left.

I did. I fought for you until I can’t fight anymore.
I am leaving no trace of yesterday.

I was unhappy with the decision but I know I will be fine.
You are no good. And again. That’s why we broke up.


I did unwise decision when we were together, but I was able to get myself out of it. I was able to realize that the reasons we had to break up were already the signs that we should break apart.

~~

I will always love him from a distance..In silence, all ways.

20140604-012804-5284059.jpg