Posts Tagged ‘pain’

3:40AM

So I have been awake for 4 hours and I could not get myself to sleep. I am trying not to make amends anymore or maybe stopping from still hoping to rekindle the lost flame. But I always wake up to still feeling there is actually hope.

Should I be basing this on Facebook where he still has me at his “In a relationship with” status? Or him only seeing my messages but no response whatsoever? The fact that he is still reading my messages makes me think that he is still interested in what I have to say.

I am no longer sure of what’s coming ahead of us both. I am not sure eithrr if I can still fight for it. I only wanted him to stay and fight with me. I love him louder and stronger than his demons. I know I am not stopping until he can tell me he does not love me anymore.

Maybe in my next entry, I will write about a man’s pride and what it really does to a relationship.

My God, help me. I need to be strong for the both of us.

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8:52PM

I really want to know the rules of engagement. I want to know when I will be free from torment.

I am in between feelings of love and hate.

Part of me wants to go on and love him louder than his demons. Part of me wants to just accept that we’re done for good.

I remember a friend, he said:

Acceptance is better than fighting. If you keep putting up with a man who has no intentions on showing his love for you by being the first one to surrender in a fight, you’ll end up getting tired and soon, you will do what he’s doing. Gap will start to grow. Instead of you growing together, you grow apart. Let the man be. Let him go. When he find you in his alone time, he’ll pursue you.

That makes a lot of sense but can you blame a man for trying too hard?

I could never cheat on anyone. It’s the type of mistake and wrong doing that I couldn’t live with. Knowing that you destroyed someone’s trust is bad, but destroying someone’s perspective on love is far worse.

To you,

I know we tend to be vulnerable at times. We are fragile even. It doesn’t change the fact that we can become powerful too.

First, I am sorry that I am hating you as of this writing. Because of you, the man I love has no believe in love and what joy it can bring to our lives. He would not believe in the goodness of having someone taking care of him. He is too mad and too strong. He is capable of not caring at all. He is selfish that it breaks my heart to pieces.

I may not know the reason why you left him. But it turned the man I love to something that gives pain into my chest. I know it isn’t fair to blame you, but you are still the reason why he would not trust again. 

Or maybe not.

I have been thinking about it lately. Maybe, it isn’t because of you that he doesn’t want to love again. Maybe, I am not the one who would make him feel alive again. Maybe, I am not enough for him.

Maybe, he meant well. Maybe, he was just too nice.

I was loving him in silence hoping that he’d wake up one day realizing that he loves me and everything is worth-risking. 

Do not let the fear of the unknown and uncertainty take the greatness of your heart. Because we live in a secluded society, people are people. Do what you must. If it makes you feel good about yourself, you’re on the right track.

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Ok. I am still a newbie when it comes to this. But I have read that if you really wanna write a good blog, keep writing.

I can’t find time to write a lot lately. I think I need to see a Doctor of some sort. My back pain never ends. I always feel so tired and sometimes, isolated even when I’m with friends.

What is wrong with me? Maybe I am just scared. If I face it now, how will I ever be able to accept what the Doctor has to say?

It’s not something serious, I believe. I have kept my hopes up that I’m not gonna suffer of pain because of illness.

God is with me. God is with us.

I actually just wanna drop by and say hi to everyone. 🙂

Nothing hurts like knowing he loves you but he can’t do something about it.
😦

Just another sad love song.

It’s ok to get mad sometimes.
It’s ok to feel lost somewhere.
It’s ok to curse somehow.
If only for a moment,
You feel the anguish of heart.

You just got to be so sure you won’t feel the same over and over for the same reason.

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A New York suburban couple’s marriage goes dangerously awry when the wife indulges in an adulterous fling.

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That’s the thing about cheating. It makes everyones’ life miserable.
The story here is kinda different. The woman who, I guess, just like everyone, gets bored.

They find comfort in someone else. The cheater gets to be the one with satisfaction, and both parties ended up hating each other.

There’s no good or acceptable reason for cheating. If you are in a relationship, don’t get too tied up and think that cheating will be a way out. Or will be your way to be happy again. Being happy doesn’t require hurting one person. It doesn’t have to mean screw up.

Well, I should know. I have dealt with men and people. And the reasons, we may find so lame. But they do it anyways.

In this film, Richard Gere, the husband killed Oliviere Martinez, the other man. I find it so hard to believe. Look at what happens when someone got hurt. Look at what happens when we get mad. Too bad. He’s goin’ to live with it forever.

But the movie was great!

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Ever had that feeling when you thought things are irreversible? And you get depressed and lonely.

Ever wonder why it didn’t work? You get broken and sad.
Ever made a fool of yourself and it’s irrevocable?

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel

Try this on, straightjacket feeling
So maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don’t make sense
Beg me time and time again
To take you back now, but you can’t win
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again

But today, I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
And just the thought of you I fear
It falls away